Reflections on 51 Years of Marriage

June 7th, 2021 marks 51 years of marriage to my truly extraordinary wife Ruth, following 2.5 years of dating. I’m in awe of both the uber-dynamic adventures we’ve shared and how fast the years have flown by! Amidst my cornucopia of memories, I’ll endeavor to hone in on and relate several highlights of our marriage and key lessons that we’ve learned over the decades.

Highlights of Our Marriage

• Foremost, raising three loving, well-balanced adult children and currently having three lively and delightful granddaughters

• Sharing our priority on psycho-spiritual growth, receiving and facilitating countless trainings, and participating in numerous communities, including intensive spiritual ones

• Working together as therapists, coaches, speakers, retreat facilitators, and authors for the past 45 years of our marriage! We co-directed a holistic wellness center, we’ve continually developed and practiced avant-garde methods for decades, and we wrote two of our books together.

• After living in several cities, settling into a home we’ve both loved for the past 35+ years

• Vacationing and traveling really well together to many U.S. states and in various destinations in Canada, Mexico, Europe, Greece, and Israel

Primary Lessons We’ve Gained

• The dramas we played out in our early years together, wild as they often were, didn’t match the power of acquiring solid communication and conflict-resolution skills.

• Choosing to grittily work through turbulent and painful periods, including a few times that we came close to separating, has paid ineffable dividends – we have been greatly enriched through our endurance!

• The value of balancing personal, couple, and family time amidst the challenges of doing so

• Learning to not only tolerate or accept differences in personality and interests, but to actually appreciate many of them

• Discerning when to express versus edit upsets, irritations, and feedback to the other is essential for reconciling harmony with assertion and growth.

Rather than wanting to boast, my intention in sharing these bullet points has been to inspire you. I offer you some tasty morsels for personal introspection and to share with your partner. I hope I have accomplished that in this very brief summary of over a half century with my beloved.

Toward deepening and evolving love,

Your relationship coach,

Jim Sharon
(303) 796-7004
jim@energyforlife.us

Jim Sharon, EdD is a licensed psychologist and couples' coach who has over four decades of professional experience serving thousands as a counselor, as a life and relationship coach, and as a seminar and retreat facilitator. Dr. Sharon has authored and edited many professional publications, including, most recently, HeartWise: Deepening and Evolving Love Relationships, published in 2021, as well as Secrets of a Soulful Marriage: Creating and Sustaining a Loving, Sacred Relationship, published in 2014 (both with Ruth Sharon, MS). Jim and Ruth have been married since 1970, have raised three adult children, and have three young granddaughters.

Hope for Marginalized Male Partners

During my counseling and coaching  practice in recent years, I have worked with an increasing number of men who regularly feel victimized, disenfranchised, or emasculated by their women partners. What I’ve witnessed in serving these men, and often also their wives or girlfriends, is two colliding forces. One of those is men’s confusion about appropriate roles and behavior in this era of relative gender equality. The other is women feeling stronger than they did in the last century, and often emboldened to sharply and angrily express their feelings, needs, desires, and requests. 

Domestic violence, especially by men, is what usually makes the news. Unfortunately, such actions do remain fairly prevalent, particularly during the pandemic. 

However, I’ve listened to countless men report incurring emotional or verbal abuse by their mates. That abuse takes the form of frequent and harsh criticism and blame, worse yet shaming, and/or gaslighting, i.e. emotional manipulation. Most of the latter involves repeated efforts to condemn or guilt the man. 

Bashing via labeling and disparaging overgeneralizations has also often reared its ugly head in guys’ reports of mistreatment. For example, several guys have told me that their wives have angrily remarked, “You’re not a man!” or, “You don’t do a thing to help around the house and with the kids” (even though these men claim to offer a lot of assistance).

Let me be clear. I champion egalitarian relationships and women having power and leadership roles, both inside and outside of their homes. My wife of over 50 years has emerged as an ultra conscious, powerful woman. We have two married daughters who are strong in their own right and who are raising their daughters to be authentically expressive. I consistently advocate for and teach effective communication and constructive conflict resolution skills.

However, I’m witnessing and hearing about many women who routinely deflect self-responsibility for their attitudes and behavior, who reflexively act defensively, and rarely apologize.

In lieu of clean, direct assertive “I” statements, these ladies typically resort to the kinds of demeaning “you” statements to which I previously alluded. Even more painful to many fathers are the ways in which their children model their mothers’ disparaging remarks and marginalize them. 

In short, I’m shocked by the amount of times I learn of the traditional tables turning from male to aggressive female dominance or persistent one-up behavior that leaves men reeling.

I strive to empower marginalized men, while encouraging their partners to gradually resolve the emotional wounds or attachment deficits that catalyze their fear of intimate connection. Contact me to learn more.

Toward evolving love,

Your relationship coach,

Jim Sharon
(303) 796-7004
jim@energyforlife.us

Jim Sharon, EdD is a licensed psychologist and couples' coach who has over four decades of professional experience serving thousands as a counselor, as a life and relationship coach, and as a seminar and retreat facilitator. Dr. Sharon has authored two books and many professional publications, most recently, Secrets of a Soulful Marriage: Creating and Sustaining a Loving, Sacred Relationship (with Ruth Sharon, MS), published by SkyLight Paths, 2014. Jim and Ruth have been married since 1970, have raised three adult children, and have three young granddaughters.

Sharing Feedback

Graciously giving and receiving feedback in your love relationship is a communication art requiring continual refinement. Both the person offering feedback and the recipient need to take  responsibility for a clean transaction, which can have an ego-effacing effect. Even as seasoned therapists and coaches, married over 50 years, Ruth and I regularly seek to improve our own communication with one another. 

I have noticed with many clients that attempts to share feedback devolve into attack, criticism, blaming, or shaming. Appropriately feeling hurt, the recipient typically reacts defensively, leading to an argument that can escalate into a fight. These negative or verbally abusive encounters erode the relationship, especially when commonplace. 

Guidelines for Expressing Feedback 

• Determine if the content of what you’re considering sharing is likely to benefit your partner. In other words, is your genuine intention to be constructive with what you’re about to say?

• Decide whether to edit your comments, i.e. if it’s more appropriate to say nothing or deliberate about what specifically to relate.

• Consider whether your partner is open to hearing your comments. Unsolicited feedback tends to be unwelcome or off-putting. 

• Discern the proper time to offer your input.

• Own your experience by making direct I statements. Starting with “I,” add words such as perceive..., sense..., feel..., need..., invite..., request. 

• Your delivery matters a lot, i.e. how you state your feedback. Regulate your tone of voice and refrain from hints, excessive confrontation, sarcasm, exaggeration, and condescending or demeaning remarks. Also avoid harping—belaboring your point(s).

Guidelines for Receiving Feedback

• Politely or assertively (not aggressively) tell your partner if you’re open to receiving their input.

• Make an effort to accept or reflect on feedback you regard as well intended, even if it upsets you.

• If you feel attacked or disagree with the remarks, say so clearly and firmly without a nasty comeback.

• Communicate the kind of feedback and presentation you find constructive. Help them distinguish useful comments and acceptable forms of delivery from hurtful or deflating ones. 

• Model positive feedback for your partner--set a favorable example.

Like all communication, you’ll develop skill with sincere intention and consistent practice.

Toward evolving love,

Your relationship coach,

Jim Sharon
(303) 796-7004
jim@energyforlife.us

Jim Sharon, EdD is a licensed psychologist and couples' coach who has over four decades of professional experience serving thousands as a counselor, as a life and relationship coach, and as a seminar and retreat facilitator. Dr. Sharon has authored two books and many professional publications, most recently, Secrets of a Soulful Marriage: Creating and Sustaining a Loving, Sacred Relationship (with Ruth Sharon, MS), published by SkyLight Paths, 2014. Jim and Ruth have been married since 1970, have raised three adult children, and have three young granddaughters.

Aaah, Retreats!

In late February of this year, my wife Ruth and I engaged in a five-day guided, silent retreat, the latest of many similar ones in which we’ve participated. I’ll soon describe that experience. 

Firstly, wordsmith that I am, I want to discuss two contrasting meanings of the word retreat. 

The traditional definition is to withdraw, as when forced to pull back from a military position. 

Another, which is apropos to the kinds of retreats Ruth and I get involved with, is to re-treat, i.e. to once again treat or nourish oneself. Besides having a salient rejuvenating or revitalizing effect, our retreats are designed to promote new insights, perspectives, goal-setting, and deeper connection with the Divine. Thus, these retreats propel us forward, rather than backward, as in the more common definition of the word. 

This last February, Ruth and I were part of a ten-person group that attended a Sufi retreat at a bird haven in Sarasota, Florida that was led by Devi, our spiritual guide of 14 years. Devi, the head of the healing branch of our North American Sufi order, has been facilitating retreats in many parts of the world for about two decades. Each retreatant is assigned their own room in one of several houses on a large property that includes a gorgeous lake, creek, and numerous trees and flowering bushes. Various birds proliferate and turtles are abundant in the lake.

The group met daily at 8:00 am and at 5:00 pm for about a half hour of guided meditation, including an inspirational talk by Devi. Each of us met individually with Devi for 10 to 20 minutes every morning to check in and to receive recommended practices for the day. Most of the retreat was unstructured and left to each of the participants to determine how we wanted to spend the day and night. Eating when we wanted, each of us prepared our own breakfasts and lunches from a lot of healthy (mostly organic) food that was provided; delicious dinners were cooked for us. We upheld silence during meals.

Most of us, myself included, spent a lot of time sitting or walking in nature. We absorbed both macrocosmic and microcosmic sights and sounds, such as on the horizon, and very subtle details, e.g. on flowers or rocks. I enjoyed swimming in a small outdoor pool, despite the chilly water. I was especially mesmerized by the large, graceful birds flying above and sitting in the trees, along with the ultra-peaceful turtles. Up to ten turtles at a time emerged from swimming in the lake to sitting so very still bunched together on a six-foot in diameter circular wire built for them in the center of the lake. A huge array of bright green, leafy trees lined the area all around the lake. Occasionally, I was awed by surprises such as a flock of white egrets crossing a street, seeing a brightly-colored bird, or staring at a mother turtle swimming alongside the one baby turtle I ever spotted.

Engaging in customized Sufi practices, reading a book written by the founder of our Sufi order, and journaling insights and future plans further filled my days and nights. I felt tenderly held and very connected to G-d through most of my retreat! Aaah, indeed!

Ruth and I are now beginning to offer one or two-day guided personal retreats, Doorways to Being, to assist people in suspending their busy (often overactive), stressed lives to make much deeper contact with their inner selves. Go here to learn more about how we can help you create a supportive retreat environment right in your own home. Give yourself the gift of nourishment for your body, mind, heart, and soul!

Toward the One,

Your Relationship Guide,

Jim Sharon
(303) 796-7004
jim@energyforlife.us

Jim Sharon, EdD is a licensed psychologist and couples' coach who has over four decades of professional experience serving thousands as a counselor, as a life and relationship coach, and as a seminar and retreat facilitator. Dr. Sharon has authored two books and many professional publications, most recently, Secrets of a Soulful Marriage: Creating and Sustaining a Loving, Sacred Relationship (with Ruth Sharon, MS), published by SkyLight Paths, 2014. Jim and Ruth have been married since 1970, have raised three adult children, and have three young granddaughters.

The Energy of Love

February, the love month, most notably celebrated on the Hallmark holiday of Valentine’s Day, is here again. Love is one of, if not the most, common topics in books, articles, movies, songs, and discussions. However, love has so many facets and dimensions that we gain much more from developing heart, gut, and mental wisdom about love through life experience than we do from describing it. 

I assert that the essence of G-d, or the Source of All, is Love and that humans, made in G-d’s image, are hardwired with the basic need to love and be loved. Of course, we all have different propensities for giving and receiving love, but we can continually grow in our capacity to love. While modalities and assessment tools such as astrology, the Enneagram, Myers Briggs, and the “five love languages” can reveal our propensities, each of us is far from limited by whatever characteristics are depicted. An axiom: the more you love yourself, the more love you can genuinely give and graciously receive.

Love is much more beautiful, rich, and meaningful as a verb than as a noun (i.e. just something you hold in your heart). I invite you to explore with your beloved (or with a close family member or friend if you’re not partnered) various ways that you express love. Mention what you perceive about your own expressions and solicit the other’s observations. Doing so can be very mutually affirming and is likely to create some insights and openings for each of you!

Here is a sample of my common, diverse expressions of love:

Toward my wife:  

• Actively supporting Ruth to fulfill her life purposes

• Gentle touches and caresses

• Offering many types of humor; being playful and silly

• Contributing a lot toward house and yard maintenance, cooking, and doing laundry

With my adult children and granddaughters:

• Affirming their qualities and talents

• Doing special activities, including travel, together

• Joining in their chosen forms of play and fantasy

• Engaging in meaningful discussions

In my counseling and coaching practice:

• Being present during interactions with my clients

• Offering compassionate support and authentic, direct feedback

• Asking evocative questions

• Providing different or new perspectives

In my community:

• Facilitating group meditations and healing services

• Preparing dinners for and interacting with vetted homeless people

• Writing newsletter blogs about couples and family relationships

• Facilitating private and group couples events and retreats

I really hope that you follow my suggestion to devote some sustained time to speak with your partner or a close loved one about your many ways of giving love. Please refrain from modeling my terse examples; just let the conversation flow and diverge, while remaining on topic. If you’d like, you could add additional categories of those with whom you relate, such as friends or extended family members.

As always, I’d welcome hearing about your unanticipated reactions or exciting revelations.

Join the conversation on our Facebook Soulful Couples Community Page.

Toward the glory of love!

Your Relationship Coach,

Jim Sharon
(303) 796-7004
jim@energyforlife.us

Jim Sharon, EdD is a licensed psychologist and couples' coach who has over four decades of professional experience serving thousands as a counselor, as a life and relationship coach, and as a seminar and retreat facilitator. Dr. Sharon has authored two books and many professional publications, most recently, Secrets of a Soulful Marriage: Creating and Sustaining a Loving, Sacred Relationship (with Ruth Sharon, MS), published by SkyLight Paths, 2014. Jim and Ruth have been married since 1970, have raised three adult children, and have three young granddaughters.

Putting the "Y" into Holidays

December is the ideal month of the year to convert holidays into holy days. For my wife Ruth and I, life itself is holy. However, this last month of the year affords a special opportunity to balance the tumult of December parties and gift shopping with sacred activities. Let my explain why (“y”). 

December, the year’s darkest month, offers an optimal period to introspect. You can reflect on how you are doing toward accomplishing your core life purpose and other goals. During this time you can also consider which character traits you feel good about and those (your shadow) that you’d like to enhance. Along with February, December is a key love month—a fine time to take your pulse with regard to your family, friend, acquaintance, and colleague relationships. Furthermore, this month is very conducive to inner healing.

Juxtaposed against the long nights of December, is a lot of luminosity, both internally and in the environment. Amidst pervasive holy-day spirit generated by the celebration of several major religious traditions, hearts everywhere are rife with love, light, and cheerful lightheartedness. Extra expressions of kindness and generosity are omnipresent, including through many forms of volunteer service. Christmas lights inside and outside of houses abound, supplemented by light from Chanukah menorahs and Kwanzaa and winter solstice candles. Solitary and collective prayers, especially via congregational assemblies, add to the holy day light. 

As in voting, each person makes a difference in contributing goodwill to the holiday season. How will you and your partner or family sanctify this so-called magical time of year? I invite you to discuss with your loved ones ways that you might go beyond your usual means of making these days that are full of darkness and light holier and more special for yourselves and for your community. 

Then again, even if you’re not enrolled in the proverbial holiday spirit, consider this old saying, “It’s better to light just one little candle than to curse the darkness.” After all, Mr. Scrooge didn’t fare too well!

Ruth and I wish you and your beloveds joyful, meaningful, and purposeful holy days going forward….

Your Relationship Coach,

Jim Sharon
(303) 796-7004
jim@energyforlife.us

Jim Sharon, EdD is a licensed psychologist and couples' coach who has over four decades of professional experience serving thousands as a counselor, as a life and relationship coach, and as a seminar and retreat facilitator. Dr. Sharon has authored two books and many professional publications, most recently, Secrets of a Soulful Marriage: Creating and Sustaining a Loving, Sacred Relationship (with Ruth Sharon, MS), published by SkyLight Paths, 2014. Jim and Ruth have been married since 1970, have raised three adult children, and have three young granddaughters.

The Loneliness Epidemic

All the lonely people, where do they all come from? All the lonely people, where do they all belong?  ~ “Eleanor Rigby” song by John Lennon and Paul McCartney

As a psychologist and couples’ coach, I’ve witnessed plenty of lonely people over the years. However, loneliness appears to have become an emotional epidemic in recent years!

Cigna, a major U.S. insurance company, published its landmark U.S. Loneliness Index on June 16, 2019 in the American Journal of Health Promotion. Cigna surveyed over 20,000 U.S. adults age 18 and older with this Index. The survey revealed some astonishing results:

• Almost half of the respondents reported sometimes or always feeling alone or left out.

• About 25% expressed that they rarely or never feel understood by others.

The loneliest segment of the population was generation Z, those between ages 18-22.

Per usual, I will focus my remarks on couples, citing several key observations and explanations for the loneliness trend.

• Many couples have indicated that they feel overwhelmed by long work hours, excessive job stress, and/or feel encumbered by family responsibilities and other activities. They don’t find or take adequate time to connect with their partners and frequently “miss” them.

• Most concerning to me is that individuals are out of touch with their own deeper thoughts and feelings. They get so engrossed in various life demands or events (such as above) that they minimize contact with their inner nature, including their very essence. As a result, they too often have little substance to offer their mates during the seldom times that they do try to communicate beyond mundane conversation.

• Couples widely complain about what they regard as an excessive amount of media or electronic-device engagement by their partners; often they accuse each other of over-involvement. Decades ago, the main sources of such activities were television viewing and reading magazines or newspapers. Since the turn of the millennium, people around the world are devoting an ever-increasing amount of time and energy to the many uses of iPhones and to online presence, including various social media sites and video games. All of these can perpetuate isolation or create a major distraction from connection with one’s spouse and family.

• As folks can be “lonely in a crowd,” they often experience very limited satisfaction or contact with most of their social media “friends” due to a preponderance of superficial postings and less face-to-face connections than in the pre-online era. The same holds for emailing and text messaging.

Here are a few suggested remedies, besides the obvious one of reducing the amount of time and energy spent on the activities mentioned above:

• Focus on self-development for personal growth and to enhance what you offer to your mate.

• Take daily quiet time to introspect or meditate. Doing so develops presence, centeredness, clarity, and inner peace, all which serve to counter loneliness.

• Genuinely and regularly inquire about your partner’s needs, feelings, interests, experiences, and values. Also, initiate expressing each of those to your beloved.

• Identify your love languages and make a concerted effort to accommodate each other’s preferences for ways of giving and receiving love.

• Enroll in couples counseling or coaching to increase your communication skills and to bolster your intimacy in various areas.

Toward contentment,

Your Relationship Coach,

Jim Sharon
(303) 796-7004
jim@energyforlife.us

Jim Sharon, EdD is a licensed psychologist and couples' coach who has over four decades of professional experience serving thousands as a counselor, as a life and relationship coach, and as a seminar and retreat facilitator. Dr. Sharon has authored two books and many professional publications, most recently, Secrets of a Soulful Marriage: Creating and Sustaining a Loving, Sacred Relationship (with Ruth Sharon, MS), published by SkyLight Paths, 2014. Jim and Ruth have been married since 1970, have raised three adult children, and have three young granddaughters.

Common Ways That We Regard Love

Love is one of the major themes of books, poems, movies, TV shows, and songs. I’d venture to say that there are as many views of what love means as there are people in the world. However, these various perceptions, desires, and objectives can be clustered into some common motifs.

Here are some key examples of different attitudes and approaches about romantic love:

Immature and Dysfunctional Postures

Dependent: I need and want you to take care of me a lot because I’m not self-sufficient.

Co-Dependent: I derive my worth from your approval and validation.

Child-Centered: I want us to focus most of our attention on our children; our partner relationship is secondary.

Sexualizing: I primarily regard you as a sex object.

Narcissistic: Acknowledge that I come first, and admire me because I’m special in many ways! I’ll provide for you, but realize I cannot give you much (if any) empathy. 

Psychopathic: I will charm, con, and exploit you regularly, and you will accept my doing so because you need me. 

Healthy, Evolved Platforms (These are not discrete.):

I’m focused on your overall well-being and expect you to reciprocate that level of caring.

We are both independent and interdependent.

Let’s support each other’s life purposes and build our dreams together.

I’m excited about the synergy we can continually create!

I cherish various forms of intimacy with you.

I want to enjoy sex with you on physical, emotional, and spiritual planes. 

We’ll parent our children from the strength and beauty of our relationship.

Let’s extend our love via service to our community--or beyond. 

Questionable

Open or Polyamorous: You alone cannot meet all of my needs and desires, so I want to have other partners.

Which of the statements or positions that I depicted most represent your own or those of your mate? How do you feel about those items that you especially endorse or that fit you?

In my next blog I will discuss love languages, including ones in addition to those that are frequently cited.

Your Relationship Coach,

Jim Sharon
(303) 796-7004
jim@energyforlife.us

Jim Sharon, EdD is a licensed psychologist and couples' coach who has over four decades of professional experience serving thousands as a counselor, as a life and relationship coach, and as a seminar and retreat facilitator. Dr. Sharon has authored two books and many professional publications, most recently, Secrets of a Soulful Marriage: Creating and Sustaining a Loving, Sacred Relationship (with Ruth Sharon, MS), published by SkyLight Paths, 2014. Jim and Ruth have been married since 1970, have raised three adult children, and have three young granddaughters.

Four P's

Pedestal: More than occasionally, my wife Ruth and I receive comments regarding us having nearly-perfect lives. Both of us are appalled by such remarks, as we certainly haven’t transcended humanness. Granted, we are relatively high-powered people who lead and enjoy overall high-quality lives. But, being close to “perfect,” whatever that means, anyway--NO! And as far as being enlightened (which we don’t often hear), I believe that everyone can continually receive and exude more light. So, let me be crystal clear, neither of us deserves nor wants to be placed on a pedestal!

Pain: Coinciding with the Jewish Passover (actually another P) holiday week, which I celebrate annually, I experienced a lot of burning pain from a urinary tract infection--my first UTI-- alongside of a frequent sense of urgency to pee. These symptoms were accompanied by two nights of fever, sporadic coughing, and several days of low energy. I felt deep empathy for a long-time acquaintance who recently incurred bladder cancer. Adding to the intensity, guilt over a recent incident (not involving Ruth in any way) came to a head that week.

Pride: The physical and emotional pain that I encountered during Passover rendered me more vulnerable and humble than usual, as that holiday can often serve to do. However, I was proud of myself for taking the opportunity to “dive deep” in myself to address the bodymind issues that were presented. I am proud of my introspective nature and of being resilient, although I’d like to be more of the latter. Anyway, I have always been an advocate of pride, which is akin to ego strength, as us psychologists call it. I greatly admire genuine humility, but dislike false humility, or a show of that trait. And I’m not talking about an inflated, egotistical, or narcissistic kind of pride, but more like a sense of dignity and self-respect.

Praise: This is the final word beginning with the letter “P” that I’d like to address. I have the utmost gratitude to Ruth for the compassion and support she offered me during my Passover ordeal. She was consistently available to provide TLC, meals, deep listening and feedback.

I have repeatedly thanked Ruth for her patience and her open-hearted physical and emotional support. I view my wife as a very caring, warm, nurturing and empathic person to most people in her life.

I hope that you can relate to some of what I’ve shared and that you will derive some value or benefit from at least part of this blog.

Sincerely,

Your Relationship Coach,

Jim Sharon
(303) 796-7004
jim@energyforlife.us

Jim Sharon, EdD is a licensed psychologist and couples' coach who has over four decades of professional experience serving thousands as a counselor, as a life and relationship coach, and as a seminar and retreat facilitator. Dr. Sharon has authored two books and many professional publications, most recently, Secrets of a Soulful Marriage: Creating and Sustaining a Loving, Sacred Relationship (with Ruth Sharon, MS), published by SkyLight Paths, 2014. Jim and Ruth have been married since 1970, have raised three adult children, and have three young granddaughters.

From Work to Home

Ruth and I have supported many clients struggling with the transition between work life and home life. Increasingly, more couples complain that they are overstressed by their jobs and long work hours; they have little left in the tank upon returning home. Also, they often report that they have difficulty letting go of their experiences of the day. Hence, connection and quality time with their partners and families is substantially diminished. Furthermore, women especially have lamented that their mates disappoint, frustrate, or anger them by relating to them similarly to how they speak or behave at work.

Here are some suggestions for ways to make the work-to-home transition smoother and more mutually satisfying:

• Bolster your self-care, e.g. exercise, nutrition, sleep routine, to increase your stamina.

• Request or arrange some remote work or perhaps flextime.

• Upon returning from work, allow sufficient downtime to de-stress before connecting with your partner and other family members. Engage in a relaxing or energy-building activity.

• Be mindful and intentional about leaving work behind and shifting gears.

• Accept and respect each other’s individual differences.

• Prioritize time to talk and broaden your conversation topics, especially beyond household management and job discussion. Also focus on active listening.

• Gently and patiently inform your mate as to how you want them to be with and respond to you. Rather than criticizing or blaming, offer specific requests and encouragement for favorable communication and behavior (which you also model). Men often require some primers regarding sustaining attention and emotional expression.

• Develop a few mutual interests and activities.

• Arrange regularly-scheduled dates--at least three monthly, preferably more often.

What else do you already do to spark your relationship? Can you add something brand new for yourselves to this list? I’d love to hear from you at www.info@soulfulcouples.com.

I recommend discussing the above list with your partner and together considering additional ways of enhancing your connection and intimacy during your limited time together.

Toward love in action,

Your Relationship Coach,

Jim Sharon
(303) 796-7004
jim@energyforlife.us

Jim Sharon, EdD is a licensed psychologist and couples' coach who has over four decades of professional experience serving thousands as a counselor, as a life and relationship coach, and as a seminar and retreat facilitator. Dr. Sharon has authored two books and many professional publications, most recently, Secrets of a Soulful Marriage: Creating and Sustaining a Loving, Sacred Relationship (with Ruth Sharon, MS), published by SkyLight Paths, 2014. Jim and Ruth have been married since 1970, have raised three adult children, and have three young granddaughters.