Reflections on 51 Years of Marriage

June 7th, 2021 marks 51 years of marriage to my truly extraordinary wife Ruth, following 2.5 years of dating. I’m in awe of both the uber-dynamic adventures we’ve shared and how fast the years have flown by! Amidst my cornucopia of memories, I’ll endeavor to hone in on and relate several highlights of our marriage and key lessons that we’ve learned over the decades.

Highlights of Our Marriage

• Foremost, raising three loving, well-balanced adult children and currently having three lively and delightful granddaughters

• Sharing our priority on psycho-spiritual growth, receiving and facilitating countless trainings, and participating in numerous communities, including intensive spiritual ones

• Working together as therapists, coaches, speakers, retreat facilitators, and authors for the past 45 years of our marriage! We co-directed a holistic wellness center, we’ve continually developed and practiced avant-garde methods for decades, and we wrote two of our books together.

• After living in several cities, settling into a home we’ve both loved for the past 35+ years

• Vacationing and traveling really well together to many U.S. states and in various destinations in Canada, Mexico, Europe, Greece, and Israel

Primary Lessons We’ve Gained

• The dramas we played out in our early years together, wild as they often were, didn’t match the power of acquiring solid communication and conflict-resolution skills.

• Choosing to grittily work through turbulent and painful periods, including a few times that we came close to separating, has paid ineffable dividends – we have been greatly enriched through our endurance!

• The value of balancing personal, couple, and family time amidst the challenges of doing so

• Learning to not only tolerate or accept differences in personality and interests, but to actually appreciate many of them

• Discerning when to express versus edit upsets, irritations, and feedback to the other is essential for reconciling harmony with assertion and growth.

Rather than wanting to boast, my intention in sharing these bullet points has been to inspire you. I offer you some tasty morsels for personal introspection and to share with your partner. I hope I have accomplished that in this very brief summary of over a half century with my beloved.

Toward deepening and evolving love,

Your relationship coach,

Jim Sharon
(303) 796-7004
jim@energyforlife.us

Jim Sharon, EdD is a licensed psychologist and couples' coach who has over four decades of professional experience serving thousands as a counselor, as a life and relationship coach, and as a seminar and retreat facilitator. Dr. Sharon has authored and edited many professional publications, including, most recently, HeartWise: Deepening and Evolving Love Relationships, published in 2021, as well as Secrets of a Soulful Marriage: Creating and Sustaining a Loving, Sacred Relationship, published in 2014 (both with Ruth Sharon, MS). Jim and Ruth have been married since 1970, have raised three adult children, and have three young granddaughters.

Hope for Marginalized Male Partners

During my counseling and coaching  practice in recent years, I have worked with an increasing number of men who regularly feel victimized, disenfranchised, or emasculated by their women partners. What I’ve witnessed in serving these men, and often also their wives or girlfriends, is two colliding forces. One of those is men’s confusion about appropriate roles and behavior in this era of relative gender equality. The other is women feeling stronger than they did in the last century, and often emboldened to sharply and angrily express their feelings, needs, desires, and requests. 

Domestic violence, especially by men, is what usually makes the news. Unfortunately, such actions do remain fairly prevalent, particularly during the pandemic. 

However, I’ve listened to countless men report incurring emotional or verbal abuse by their mates. That abuse takes the form of frequent and harsh criticism and blame, worse yet shaming, and/or gaslighting, i.e. emotional manipulation. Most of the latter involves repeated efforts to condemn or guilt the man. 

Bashing via labeling and disparaging overgeneralizations has also often reared its ugly head in guys’ reports of mistreatment. For example, several guys have told me that their wives have angrily remarked, “You’re not a man!” or, “You don’t do a thing to help around the house and with the kids” (even though these men claim to offer a lot of assistance).

Let me be clear. I champion egalitarian relationships and women having power and leadership roles, both inside and outside of their homes. My wife of over 50 years has emerged as an ultra conscious, powerful woman. We have two married daughters who are strong in their own right and who are raising their daughters to be authentically expressive. I consistently advocate for and teach effective communication and constructive conflict resolution skills.

However, I’m witnessing and hearing about many women who routinely deflect self-responsibility for their attitudes and behavior, who reflexively act defensively, and rarely apologize.

In lieu of clean, direct assertive “I” statements, these ladies typically resort to the kinds of demeaning “you” statements to which I previously alluded. Even more painful to many fathers are the ways in which their children model their mothers’ disparaging remarks and marginalize them. 

In short, I’m shocked by the amount of times I learn of the traditional tables turning from male to aggressive female dominance or persistent one-up behavior that leaves men reeling.

I strive to empower marginalized men, while encouraging their partners to gradually resolve the emotional wounds or attachment deficits that catalyze their fear of intimate connection. Contact me to learn more.

Toward evolving love,

Your relationship coach,

Jim Sharon
(303) 796-7004
jim@energyforlife.us

Jim Sharon, EdD is a licensed psychologist and couples' coach who has over four decades of professional experience serving thousands as a counselor, as a life and relationship coach, and as a seminar and retreat facilitator. Dr. Sharon has authored two books and many professional publications, most recently, Secrets of a Soulful Marriage: Creating and Sustaining a Loving, Sacred Relationship (with Ruth Sharon, MS), published by SkyLight Paths, 2014. Jim and Ruth have been married since 1970, have raised three adult children, and have three young granddaughters.

Sharing Feedback

Graciously giving and receiving feedback in your love relationship is a communication art requiring continual refinement. Both the person offering feedback and the recipient need to take  responsibility for a clean transaction, which can have an ego-effacing effect. Even as seasoned therapists and coaches, married over 50 years, Ruth and I regularly seek to improve our own communication with one another. 

I have noticed with many clients that attempts to share feedback devolve into attack, criticism, blaming, or shaming. Appropriately feeling hurt, the recipient typically reacts defensively, leading to an argument that can escalate into a fight. These negative or verbally abusive encounters erode the relationship, especially when commonplace. 

Guidelines for Expressing Feedback 

• Determine if the content of what you’re considering sharing is likely to benefit your partner. In other words, is your genuine intention to be constructive with what you’re about to say?

• Decide whether to edit your comments, i.e. if it’s more appropriate to say nothing or deliberate about what specifically to relate.

• Consider whether your partner is open to hearing your comments. Unsolicited feedback tends to be unwelcome or off-putting. 

• Discern the proper time to offer your input.

• Own your experience by making direct I statements. Starting with “I,” add words such as perceive..., sense..., feel..., need..., invite..., request. 

• Your delivery matters a lot, i.e. how you state your feedback. Regulate your tone of voice and refrain from hints, excessive confrontation, sarcasm, exaggeration, and condescending or demeaning remarks. Also avoid harping—belaboring your point(s).

Guidelines for Receiving Feedback

• Politely or assertively (not aggressively) tell your partner if you’re open to receiving their input.

• Make an effort to accept or reflect on feedback you regard as well intended, even if it upsets you.

• If you feel attacked or disagree with the remarks, say so clearly and firmly without a nasty comeback.

• Communicate the kind of feedback and presentation you find constructive. Help them distinguish useful comments and acceptable forms of delivery from hurtful or deflating ones. 

• Model positive feedback for your partner--set a favorable example.

Like all communication, you’ll develop skill with sincere intention and consistent practice.

Toward evolving love,

Your relationship coach,

Jim Sharon
(303) 796-7004
jim@energyforlife.us

Jim Sharon, EdD is a licensed psychologist and couples' coach who has over four decades of professional experience serving thousands as a counselor, as a life and relationship coach, and as a seminar and retreat facilitator. Dr. Sharon has authored two books and many professional publications, most recently, Secrets of a Soulful Marriage: Creating and Sustaining a Loving, Sacred Relationship (with Ruth Sharon, MS), published by SkyLight Paths, 2014. Jim and Ruth have been married since 1970, have raised three adult children, and have three young granddaughters.

Aaah, Retreats!

In late February of this year, my wife Ruth and I engaged in a five-day guided, silent retreat, the latest of many similar ones in which we’ve participated. I’ll soon describe that experience. 

Firstly, wordsmith that I am, I want to discuss two contrasting meanings of the word retreat. 

The traditional definition is to withdraw, as when forced to pull back from a military position. 

Another, which is apropos to the kinds of retreats Ruth and I get involved with, is to re-treat, i.e. to once again treat or nourish oneself. Besides having a salient rejuvenating or revitalizing effect, our retreats are designed to promote new insights, perspectives, goal-setting, and deeper connection with the Divine. Thus, these retreats propel us forward, rather than backward, as in the more common definition of the word. 

This last February, Ruth and I were part of a ten-person group that attended a Sufi retreat at a bird haven in Sarasota, Florida that was led by Devi, our spiritual guide of 14 years. Devi, the head of the healing branch of our North American Sufi order, has been facilitating retreats in many parts of the world for about two decades. Each retreatant is assigned their own room in one of several houses on a large property that includes a gorgeous lake, creek, and numerous trees and flowering bushes. Various birds proliferate and turtles are abundant in the lake.

The group met daily at 8:00 am and at 5:00 pm for about a half hour of guided meditation, including an inspirational talk by Devi. Each of us met individually with Devi for 10 to 20 minutes every morning to check in and to receive recommended practices for the day. Most of the retreat was unstructured and left to each of the participants to determine how we wanted to spend the day and night. Eating when we wanted, each of us prepared our own breakfasts and lunches from a lot of healthy (mostly organic) food that was provided; delicious dinners were cooked for us. We upheld silence during meals.

Most of us, myself included, spent a lot of time sitting or walking in nature. We absorbed both macrocosmic and microcosmic sights and sounds, such as on the horizon, and very subtle details, e.g. on flowers or rocks. I enjoyed swimming in a small outdoor pool, despite the chilly water. I was especially mesmerized by the large, graceful birds flying above and sitting in the trees, along with the ultra-peaceful turtles. Up to ten turtles at a time emerged from swimming in the lake to sitting so very still bunched together on a six-foot in diameter circular wire built for them in the center of the lake. A huge array of bright green, leafy trees lined the area all around the lake. Occasionally, I was awed by surprises such as a flock of white egrets crossing a street, seeing a brightly-colored bird, or staring at a mother turtle swimming alongside the one baby turtle I ever spotted.

Engaging in customized Sufi practices, reading a book written by the founder of our Sufi order, and journaling insights and future plans further filled my days and nights. I felt tenderly held and very connected to G-d through most of my retreat! Aaah, indeed!

Ruth and I are now beginning to offer one or two-day guided personal retreats, Doorways to Being, to assist people in suspending their busy (often overactive), stressed lives to make much deeper contact with their inner selves. Go here to learn more about how we can help you create a supportive retreat environment right in your own home. Give yourself the gift of nourishment for your body, mind, heart, and soul!

Toward the One,

Your Relationship Guide,

Jim Sharon
(303) 796-7004
jim@energyforlife.us

Jim Sharon, EdD is a licensed psychologist and couples' coach who has over four decades of professional experience serving thousands as a counselor, as a life and relationship coach, and as a seminar and retreat facilitator. Dr. Sharon has authored two books and many professional publications, most recently, Secrets of a Soulful Marriage: Creating and Sustaining a Loving, Sacred Relationship (with Ruth Sharon, MS), published by SkyLight Paths, 2014. Jim and Ruth have been married since 1970, have raised three adult children, and have three young granddaughters.

Awakening from My Winter Cave

I just noticed Daylight Savings Time on my calendar and my heart jumped in excitement. Yay, Spring is coming! Yes, I have so enjoyed my winter cave time. And I am ready for Spring! How about you?

I have had a breakthrough this winter. Really slowing down, listening to my body, mind and heart, pacing myself, resting as I need to, and taking a retreat to Florida have been some of the ways I have loved my winter repose. What have you done for yourself this winter? 

Many people tell me that the changing light and shortened days set them into a mild depression. This can change our mood and our ways of relating to others.

Then, just as a bear grumbles and seems grouchy when coming out of the winter slumber, so can humans. Feeling critical, judgmental, and cynical may be signs that you need time to yourself. How about having a mini-retreat to reset your nervous system and come into more harmony with yourself? This may be a good transition from winter into spring.

Here are some helpful guidelines for your mini-retreat:

1. Carve out time and space for just you – no phones, devices, people, or to-do lists.

2. Dedicate 10 minutes – three days – whatever works in your schedule and lifestyle.

3. Have a beginning and an ending to your mini-retreat. Get the support of others so you are not distracted. No calls or interruptions.

4. Make the time and space sacred and meaningful. Symbols and supplies like candles, prayer beads, music, art supplies, or a yoga mat can enhance your experience.

5. Set an intention for this time alone. IDEAS: to breathe more deeply, to relax my mind, to rest or move my body, to tune into something greater than myself, to give thanks, to pray for healing, to send love to others, to clear old resentments, to activate more life energy, etc.

6. Use your journal or recording device to track your intention and what comes up for you.

7. Be as kind and accepting of yourself as you can be.

8. Activate your self-care repertoire to attend to your body, mind, heart, and soul.

9. Gather your learnings into a word or phrase to remind yourself during and after your time alone. Breathe in as you say I am... (or the beginning phrase), then exhale as you complete the sentence. For example: I am relaxing. I am grateful. I am loving, I am loved, I am holy, all is well, life is beautiful, all is connected, I am part of the Oneness, etc.

10.  Your ideas?

Jim Sharon and I are here to support you in your well-being. Taking care of your precious self can enhance your life energy and enliven your relationships. Contact us for practical and inspiring coaching!

Share your comments or photos on our Facebook Soulful Couples Community page.

Watch our Events page for upcoming self-care (Doorways to Being) and couple-care (Grand Openings) private retreats, which we design together.

Questions? Email us any time at info@soulfulcouples.com.

Your Relationship Coach,

Ruth Sharon
Lic. Professional Counselor
Wellness and Relationship Coach 
www.soulfulcouples.com
ruth@soulfulcouples.com

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Ruth Sharon is a relationship coach, Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC), and Registered Yoga Teacher (RYT). Her passion is facilitating couples to enhance the vitality of their relationship and make healthy lifestyle choices. Ruth shares her wisdom, compassion and humor with individuals, couples, families, and groups. Ruth and her husband, who have been married since 1970, co-authored Secrets of a Soulful Marriage: Creating and Sustaining a Loving, Sacred Relationship, SkyLight Paths Publishing, 2014. They are delighted to offer coaching for couples and singles, in person and virtually, as well as transformative couples’ retreats, seminars and online courses.

The Energy of Love

February, the love month, most notably celebrated on the Hallmark holiday of Valentine’s Day, is here again. Love is one of, if not the most, common topics in books, articles, movies, songs, and discussions. However, love has so many facets and dimensions that we gain much more from developing heart, gut, and mental wisdom about love through life experience than we do from describing it. 

I assert that the essence of G-d, or the Source of All, is Love and that humans, made in G-d’s image, are hardwired with the basic need to love and be loved. Of course, we all have different propensities for giving and receiving love, but we can continually grow in our capacity to love. While modalities and assessment tools such as astrology, the Enneagram, Myers Briggs, and the “five love languages” can reveal our propensities, each of us is far from limited by whatever characteristics are depicted. An axiom: the more you love yourself, the more love you can genuinely give and graciously receive.

Love is much more beautiful, rich, and meaningful as a verb than as a noun (i.e. just something you hold in your heart). I invite you to explore with your beloved (or with a close family member or friend if you’re not partnered) various ways that you express love. Mention what you perceive about your own expressions and solicit the other’s observations. Doing so can be very mutually affirming and is likely to create some insights and openings for each of you!

Here is a sample of my common, diverse expressions of love:

Toward my wife:  

• Actively supporting Ruth to fulfill her life purposes

• Gentle touches and caresses

• Offering many types of humor; being playful and silly

• Contributing a lot toward house and yard maintenance, cooking, and doing laundry

With my adult children and granddaughters:

• Affirming their qualities and talents

• Doing special activities, including travel, together

• Joining in their chosen forms of play and fantasy

• Engaging in meaningful discussions

In my counseling and coaching practice:

• Being present during interactions with my clients

• Offering compassionate support and authentic, direct feedback

• Asking evocative questions

• Providing different or new perspectives

In my community:

• Facilitating group meditations and healing services

• Preparing dinners for and interacting with vetted homeless people

• Writing newsletter blogs about couples and family relationships

• Facilitating private and group couples events and retreats

I really hope that you follow my suggestion to devote some sustained time to speak with your partner or a close loved one about your many ways of giving love. Please refrain from modeling my terse examples; just let the conversation flow and diverge, while remaining on topic. If you’d like, you could add additional categories of those with whom you relate, such as friends or extended family members.

As always, I’d welcome hearing about your unanticipated reactions or exciting revelations.

Join the conversation on our Facebook Soulful Couples Community Page.

Toward the glory of love!

Your Relationship Coach,

Jim Sharon
(303) 796-7004
jim@energyforlife.us

Jim Sharon, EdD is a licensed psychologist and couples' coach who has over four decades of professional experience serving thousands as a counselor, as a life and relationship coach, and as a seminar and retreat facilitator. Dr. Sharon has authored two books and many professional publications, most recently, Secrets of a Soulful Marriage: Creating and Sustaining a Loving, Sacred Relationship (with Ruth Sharon, MS), published by SkyLight Paths, 2014. Jim and Ruth have been married since 1970, have raised three adult children, and have three young granddaughters.

It's Never Too Late to Have a First Date

Jim and I were dating in college in 1967. I felt like I had met “my guy” and was so delighted. I was anticipating him asking me out for our New Year’s Eve date when he called before we left campus for the winter break. Instead of asking me out, though, he actually broke up with me on the phone, saying something like, “I don’t think we should see each other anymore. We are just too different and it wouldn’t work out.”

Shock ! My heart was broken. I couldn’t speak. I mumbled something and hung up.

When I went home for the holiday break, I felt so sad, hurt, and even depressed. What had happened? I walked around in a daze and had trouble relaxing. I spent New Year’s Eve with my girlfriend and her sister, in their living room, watching the New Year’s ball drop.

When I returned to the winter semester, I was still depressed and, big surprise, I got very sick with a high fever. After weeks of being in the infirmary, burning up and being unable to eat, I drifted off to a gray and lonely place. My parents came to college to take me home after weeks of lethargy and a very swollen sore throat. I finally recovered and returned to school for the spring semester. Entering the student center‘s back to school dance, Jim and I saw each other across the crowded room. We cautiously re-connected and then happily dated, getting engaged in 1969 and married in 1970. I guess we are well suited for each other, despite all the differences!

I have recounted the New Year’s Eve story to Jim many times. He's really good at empathizing that that was hard for me. What was different this year is that he kindly asked me, “How can I help you heal from this traumatic situation?” (FYI, “healing” is my focus word for 2020.) We discussed what would mend my broken heart.

Well, I am happy to report that he asked me out for this 2019-2020 New Year’s Eve in a sweet and genuine manner! I was so touched by his generous offer to do anything I wanted. When I told him my heart's desire, he set off to plan and arrange our special First New Year’s Eve — thus we would have a Do Over!

We got dressed up for our date! Enjoying a lovely dinner at the Mercury Cafe, with accompanying jazz music, we felt romantic and sweet — even tender and new. After leisurely dining, we went to the upstairs venue for a live music concert. Jim and I danced the night away. Such energy and joy kept us up till way after midnight! The night was illuminated with the glory of healing.

The next day I awoke in a relaxed and peaceful mood. As I entered my morning meditation, I noticed a subtle, hidden, protective emotional membrane enclosing me. Had it been here all these years because of the hurt Jim’s sudden rejection had caused? As I remembered the evening we had just spent bringing in 2020, the membrane popped! A newfound freedom to love and be loved! 

After 52 years, I am really healing from that trauma. The subtle membrane was unknown to me. Once it popped, I felt an inner expansion and an outward Hurray!

I am so happy we went through this process. I learned so much.

What is lurking in your subconscious that can be healed now and free you to love and be loved?

One client told me her episode from the past, and we applied various healing techniques to interrupt the pattern and open the way for her current true self to emerge.

It’s never too late to be happy! Shifting old patterns to new awareness can be so empowering. Freeing up more energy for life keeps us young and vibrant!

Let me know how I can support you. Set up your free consultation at www.soulfulcouples.com.

Always,

Ruth Sharon
Lic. Professional Counselor
Wellness and Relationship Coach 
www.soulfulcouples.com
ruth@soulfulcouples.com

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Ruth Sharon is a relationship coach, Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC), and Registered Yoga Teacher (RYT). Her passion is facilitating couples to enhance the vitality of their relationship and make healthy lifestyle choices. Ruth shares her wisdom, compassion and humor with individuals, couples, families, and groups. Ruth and her husband, who have been married since 1970, co-authored Secrets of a Soulful Marriage: Creating and Sustaining a Loving, Sacred Relationship, SkyLight Paths Publishing, 2014. They are delighted to offer coaching for couples and singles, in person and virtually, as well as transformative couples’ retreats, seminars and online courses.

Putting the "Y" into Holidays

December is the ideal month of the year to convert holidays into holy days. For my wife Ruth and I, life itself is holy. However, this last month of the year affords a special opportunity to balance the tumult of December parties and gift shopping with sacred activities. Let my explain why (“y”). 

December, the year’s darkest month, offers an optimal period to introspect. You can reflect on how you are doing toward accomplishing your core life purpose and other goals. During this time you can also consider which character traits you feel good about and those (your shadow) that you’d like to enhance. Along with February, December is a key love month—a fine time to take your pulse with regard to your family, friend, acquaintance, and colleague relationships. Furthermore, this month is very conducive to inner healing.

Juxtaposed against the long nights of December, is a lot of luminosity, both internally and in the environment. Amidst pervasive holy-day spirit generated by the celebration of several major religious traditions, hearts everywhere are rife with love, light, and cheerful lightheartedness. Extra expressions of kindness and generosity are omnipresent, including through many forms of volunteer service. Christmas lights inside and outside of houses abound, supplemented by light from Chanukah menorahs and Kwanzaa and winter solstice candles. Solitary and collective prayers, especially via congregational assemblies, add to the holy day light. 

As in voting, each person makes a difference in contributing goodwill to the holiday season. How will you and your partner or family sanctify this so-called magical time of year? I invite you to discuss with your loved ones ways that you might go beyond your usual means of making these days that are full of darkness and light holier and more special for yourselves and for your community. 

Then again, even if you’re not enrolled in the proverbial holiday spirit, consider this old saying, “It’s better to light just one little candle than to curse the darkness.” After all, Mr. Scrooge didn’t fare too well!

Ruth and I wish you and your beloveds joyful, meaningful, and purposeful holy days going forward….

Your Relationship Coach,

Jim Sharon
(303) 796-7004
jim@energyforlife.us

Jim Sharon, EdD is a licensed psychologist and couples' coach who has over four decades of professional experience serving thousands as a counselor, as a life and relationship coach, and as a seminar and retreat facilitator. Dr. Sharon has authored two books and many professional publications, most recently, Secrets of a Soulful Marriage: Creating and Sustaining a Loving, Sacred Relationship (with Ruth Sharon, MS), published by SkyLight Paths, 2014. Jim and Ruth have been married since 1970, have raised three adult children, and have three young granddaughters.

Back to the '70s, Forward to My 70s

Nostalgia for the good ol’ days has been on my heart lately. In 1973, Jim and I moved to Greeley, Colorado for his doctorate program in psychology. At first I had a difficult adjustment, falling into a deep depression. After a while, I began opening and healing through the help of loving therapies, conscious circles of leaders and learners, evolving friends, spiritual awakenings, as well as meaningful work as a school counselor, college teacher, counselor and workshop leader.

Life-changing experiences (then and now) allowed me to fulfill my potentials, find my new cutting edges, and share my life with my dear husband, our delightful first born child, Alaina, and such close friends. Undoing old patterns and creating new ways of Being was painful and essential. I am so grateful for learning skills and attitudes to guide me in my unfolding. Releasing conditioning and attuning my body-mind and spirit continues to this day, thankfully.

In the 1970s, I first learned to meditate, practice yoga and Sufism in many forms, dance, eat light organic vegetarian foods, collaborate with others in directing a holistic wellness center, and be in circles with dear friends, colleagues, students, and mentors. Life was so rich!

Now I am in my 70s, and I yearn for the simplicity, circles, and spaciousness. Indeed, I am slowing down and gaining more and more perspective. We are taking on assistants and associates to share our Energy for Life and Soulful Couples work. I am choosing to take really good care of myself now to hopefully delay, or even reverse, the aging process. I love to stretch, practice yoga and Sufism, walk, be in nature, sing, dance, pray, and heal. I have circles of people to share spiritual practice and conscious conversation. Yes, I am blessed. I am setting up more circles and having other facilitators join me as well. (Check out our Events on www.soulfulcouples.com!)

The struggles are lighter, more manageable, and easier to resolve. Being an elder suits me, and freaks me out! What’s your experience of aging and yearning?

Maybe you would like to join me in this practice:

To bring more mindfulness, I arrange my environment to be beautiful and sacred. Now as I look around each corner of my home, I notice an altar of some sort. Each altar tells a story. I dedicate my home and my life to the beneficent One. I listen to my highest calling and devote myself to following my life purpose, with my dear partner Jim Sharon, and with our three adult children, their partners, and their children. Remembering our connection to the One/Universe/ God/Love is the key! 

What is your name for that which is greater than you in all directions?

MEDITATION Practice

Try this with me: Breathe in life energy for a count of 5, hold your breath for 5, breathe out for 5, your worry, fear, scarcity, and the myth of “not enough.” Do this for 5 repetitions, 5 times throughout the day, for a month. What do you notice?

I invite you to make a little corner of your room a sacred space. Beautify your space by putting lovely items on it. Keep it clean and clear. Use this sanctified table, dresser top or TV tray as a reminder of your connection with the One today.

Let me know how I can support you. I love enriching inner peace through conscious conversation and calming meditation. I have prepared a “Meditation Primer” that I am happy to email you. Just send me a quick email at ruth@soulfulcouples.com.

Thanks and blessings,

Ruth Sharon

Lic. Professional Counselor
Wellness and Relationship Coach 
www.soulfulcouples.com
ruth@soulfulcouples.com

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Ruth Sharon is a relationship coach, Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) and Registered Yoga Teacher (RYT). Her passion is facilitating couples to enhance the vitality of their relationship and make healthy lifestyle choices. Ruth shares her wisdom, compassion and humor with individuals, couples, families, and groups. Ruth and her husband, who have been married since 1970, co-authored Secrets of a Soulful Marriage: Creating and Sustaining a Loving, Sacred Relationship, SkyLight Paths Publishing, 2014. They are delighted to offer coaching for couples and singles, in person and virtually, as well as transformative couples’ retreats, seminars and online courses.

The Loneliness Epidemic

All the lonely people, where do they all come from? All the lonely people, where do they all belong?  ~ “Eleanor Rigby” song by John Lennon and Paul McCartney

As a psychologist and couples’ coach, I’ve witnessed plenty of lonely people over the years. However, loneliness appears to have become an emotional epidemic in recent years!

Cigna, a major U.S. insurance company, published its landmark U.S. Loneliness Index on June 16, 2019 in the American Journal of Health Promotion. Cigna surveyed over 20,000 U.S. adults age 18 and older with this Index. The survey revealed some astonishing results:

• Almost half of the respondents reported sometimes or always feeling alone or left out.

• About 25% expressed that they rarely or never feel understood by others.

The loneliest segment of the population was generation Z, those between ages 18-22.

Per usual, I will focus my remarks on couples, citing several key observations and explanations for the loneliness trend.

• Many couples have indicated that they feel overwhelmed by long work hours, excessive job stress, and/or feel encumbered by family responsibilities and other activities. They don’t find or take adequate time to connect with their partners and frequently “miss” them.

• Most concerning to me is that individuals are out of touch with their own deeper thoughts and feelings. They get so engrossed in various life demands or events (such as above) that they minimize contact with their inner nature, including their very essence. As a result, they too often have little substance to offer their mates during the seldom times that they do try to communicate beyond mundane conversation.

• Couples widely complain about what they regard as an excessive amount of media or electronic-device engagement by their partners; often they accuse each other of over-involvement. Decades ago, the main sources of such activities were television viewing and reading magazines or newspapers. Since the turn of the millennium, people around the world are devoting an ever-increasing amount of time and energy to the many uses of iPhones and to online presence, including various social media sites and video games. All of these can perpetuate isolation or create a major distraction from connection with one’s spouse and family.

• As folks can be “lonely in a crowd,” they often experience very limited satisfaction or contact with most of their social media “friends” due to a preponderance of superficial postings and less face-to-face connections than in the pre-online era. The same holds for emailing and text messaging.

Here are a few suggested remedies, besides the obvious one of reducing the amount of time and energy spent on the activities mentioned above:

• Focus on self-development for personal growth and to enhance what you offer to your mate.

• Take daily quiet time to introspect or meditate. Doing so develops presence, centeredness, clarity, and inner peace, all which serve to counter loneliness.

• Genuinely and regularly inquire about your partner’s needs, feelings, interests, experiences, and values. Also, initiate expressing each of those to your beloved.

• Identify your love languages and make a concerted effort to accommodate each other’s preferences for ways of giving and receiving love.

• Enroll in couples counseling or coaching to increase your communication skills and to bolster your intimacy in various areas.

Toward contentment,

Your Relationship Coach,

Jim Sharon
(303) 796-7004
jim@energyforlife.us

Jim Sharon, EdD is a licensed psychologist and couples' coach who has over four decades of professional experience serving thousands as a counselor, as a life and relationship coach, and as a seminar and retreat facilitator. Dr. Sharon has authored two books and many professional publications, most recently, Secrets of a Soulful Marriage: Creating and Sustaining a Loving, Sacred Relationship (with Ruth Sharon, MS), published by SkyLight Paths, 2014. Jim and Ruth have been married since 1970, have raised three adult children, and have three young granddaughters.