February, the love month, most notably celebrated on the Hallmark holiday of Valentine’s Day, is here again. Love is one of, if not the most, common topics in books, articles, movies, songs, and discussions. However, love has so many facets and dimensions that we gain much more from developing heart, gut, and mental wisdom about love through life experience than we do from describing it.
I assert that the essence of G-d, or the Source of All, is Love and that humans, made in G-d’s image, are hardwired with the basic need to love and be loved. Of course, we all have different propensities for giving and receiving love, but we can continually grow in our capacity to love. While modalities and assessment tools such as astrology, the Enneagram, Myers Briggs, and the “five love languages” can reveal our propensities, each of us is far from limited by whatever characteristics are depicted. An axiom: the more you love yourself, the more love you can genuinely give and graciously receive.
Love is much more beautiful, rich, and meaningful as a verb than as a noun (i.e. just something you hold in your heart). I invite you to explore with your beloved (or with a close family member or friend if you’re not partnered) various ways that you express love. Mention what you perceive about your own expressions and solicit the other’s observations. Doing so can be very mutually affirming and is likely to create some insights and openings for each of you!
Here is a sample of my common, diverse expressions of love:
Toward my wife:
Actively supporting Ruth to fulfill her life purposes
Gentle touches and caresses
Offering many types of humor; being playful and silly
Contributing a lot toward house and yard maintenance, cooking, and doing laundry
With my adult children and granddaughters:
Affirming their qualities and talents
Doing special activities, including travel, together
Joining in their chosen forms of play and fantasy
Engaging in meaningful discussions
In my counseling and coaching practice:
Being present during interactions with my clients
Offering compassionate support and authentic, direct feedback
Asking evocative questions
Providing different or new perspectives
In my community:
Facilitating group meditations and healing services
Preparing dinners for and interacting with vetted homeless people
Writing newsletter blogs about couples and family relationships
Facilitating private and group couples events and retreats
I really hope that you follow my suggestion to devote some sustained time to speak with your partner or a close loved one about your many ways of giving love. Please refrain from modeling my terse examples; just let the conversation flow and diverge, while remaining on topic. If you’d like, you could add additional categories of those with whom you relate, such as friends or extended family members.
As always, I’d welcome hearing about your unanticipated reactions or exciting revelations.
Join the conversation on our Facebook Soulful Couples Community Page.
Toward the glory of love!
Your Relationship Coach,
Jim Sharon
(303) 796-7004
jim@energyforlife.us
Jim Sharon, EdD is a licensed psychologist and couples' coach who has over four decades of professional experience serving thousands as a counselor, as a life and relationship coach, and as a seminar and retreat facilitator. Dr. Sharon has authored two books and many professional publications, most recently, Secrets of a Soulful Marriage: Creating and Sustaining a Loving, Sacred Relationship (with Ruth Sharon, MS), published by SkyLight Paths, 2014. Jim and Ruth have been married since 1970, have raised three adult children, and have three young granddaughters.
