personal growth

Back to the '70s, Forward to My 70s

Nostalgia for the good ol’ days has been on my heart lately. In 1973, Jim and I moved to Greeley, Colorado for his doctorate program in psychology. At first I had a difficult adjustment, falling into a deep depression. After a while, I began opening and healing through the help of loving therapies, conscious circles of leaders and learners, evolving friends, spiritual awakenings, as well as meaningful work as a school counselor, college teacher, counselor and workshop leader.

Life-changing experiences (then and now) allowed me to fulfill my potentials, find my new cutting edges, and share my life with my dear husband, our delightful first born child, Alaina, and such close friends. Undoing old patterns and creating new ways of Being was painful and essential. I am so grateful for learning skills and attitudes to guide me in my unfolding. Releasing conditioning and attuning my body-mind and spirit continues to this day, thankfully.

In the 1970s, I first learned to meditate, practice yoga and Sufism in many forms, dance, eat light organic vegetarian foods, collaborate with others in directing a holistic wellness center, and be in circles with dear friends, colleagues, students, and mentors. Life was so rich!

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Now I am in my 70s, and I yearn for the simplicity, circles, and spaciousness. Indeed, I am slowing down and gaining more and more perspective. We are taking on assistants and associates to share our Energy for Life and Soulful Couples work. I am choosing to take really good care of myself now to hopefully delay, or even reverse, the aging process. I love to stretch, practice yoga and Sufism, walk, be in nature, sing, dance, pray, and heal. I have circles of people to share spiritual practice and conscious conversation. Yes, I am blessed. I am setting up more circles and having other facilitators join me as well. (Check out our Events on www.soulfulcouples.com!)

The struggles are lighter, more manageable, and easier to resolve. Being an elder suits me, and freaks me out! What’s your experience of aging and yearning?

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Maybe you would like to join me in this practice:

To bring more mindfulness, I arrange my environment to be beautiful and sacred. Now as I look around each corner of my home, I notice an altar of some sort. Each altar tells a story. I dedicate my home and my life to the beneficent One. I listen to my highest calling and devote myself to following my life purpose, with my dear partner Jim Sharon, and with our three adult children, their partners, and their children. Remembering our connection to the One/Universe/ God/Love is the key! 

What is your name for that which is greater than you in all directions?

MEDITATION Practice

Try this with me: Breathe in life energy for a count of 5, hold your breath for 5, breathe out for 5, your worry, fear, scarcity, and the myth of “not enough.” Do this for 5 repetitions, 5 times throughout the day, for a month. What do you notice?

I invite you to make a little corner of your room a sacred space. Beautify your space by putting lovely items on it. Keep it clean and clear. Use this sanctified table, dresser top or TV tray as a reminder of your connection with the One today.

Let me know how I can support you. I love enriching inner peace through conscious conversation and calming meditation. I have prepared a “Meditation Primer” that I am happy to email you. Just send me a quick email at ruth@soulfulcouples.com.

Thanks and blessings,

Ruth Sharon

Lic. Professional Counselor
Wellness and Relationship Coach 
www.soulfulcouples.com
ruth@soulfulcouples.com


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Ruth Sharon is a relationship coach, Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) and Registered Yoga Teacher (RYT). Her passion is facilitating couples to enhance the vitality of their relationship and make healthy lifestyle choices. Ruth shares her wisdom, compassion and humor with individuals, couples, families, and groups. Ruth and her husband, who have been married since 1970, co-authored Secrets of a Soulful Marriage: Creating and Sustaining a Loving, Sacred Relationship, SkyLight Paths Publishing, 2014. They are delighted to offer coaching for couples and singles, in person and virtually, as well as transformative couples’ retreats, seminars and online courses.

We Just Had a Terrible Fight, Now What?

We just had a terrible fight. I feel so awful. I can’t believe what s/he said to me. I am shocked at how I behaved. I am upset, confused, in a swirl of chaotic emotions; my head is screaming at me, my guts are in a knot. I can’t breathe. What do I do now??

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Fighting can trigger off a cascade of reactions. Have you heard of the “Amygdala Hijack”? This is when the Amygdala part of the primitive brain signals danger and sets off the Fight-Flight-Freeze-Faint survival reaction. So yelling, angry words, and throwing stuff reflect the Fight reaction, while shutting down, going away, or not being able to speak coherently is the Flight or Freeze or Faint instinct. We can get hijacked when our protective buttons are triggered.

This is dangerous for our love relationship (or any relationship). What do we do when we get so lost in emotional reactions? How do we find our way back to sanity when we are angry, derailed, lost, confused, ashamed, and anxious?

“Clean up on Aisle 5” is what Jim and I say.

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Here are some tips to reset after fighting:

  1. Take time away for each other. Be sure to tell the other person you need a cooling off period to reset and will reconnect in a while.

  2. Be aware of what set you off. What is that hot button all about? Usually it is a tender wound from the past that has nothing to do with your partner. They just brushed up against it and you went ballistic.

  3. Ask yourself: what am I feeling? Go through the many layers like an archaeologist to get to the root if you can. Ask a coach or counselor for guidance.

  4. Sort out the situation so you can think clearly: When did I get set off? Was it words, tone, gestures that triggered me? Notice how I reacted with my thoughts, words, actions, reactions. Make a chart if that is helpful:

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5. Once you feel clearer, ask yourself what you need in order to heal this hot button, and repair the damage to the relationship. Clean up your side of the situation by practicing what you want to say to your partner. Be sure to use “I statements” like I feel… I want… I need… I hope… I am sorry.

6. After you have practiced on paper or in your head/heart/gut or with a friend/coach/counselor,  ask your partner to get together to clean up the mess.

7.  Arrange a time to talk when you are both calm, focused and clear. Hold strong to what you want from the restorative conversation. Stay on track with a few repetitive sentences to guide you. For example, “I am really sorry I reacted so meanly. I want to clear this up so we can get back on track with each other.”

8. Once you have settled down and are able to talk, set up agreements to help prevent this from happening in the future. Learn from your fighting patterns so you can transform from “Power Over each other” to “Power With each other.”

Example of Agreements:

  • Take a time out if you are getting escalated beyond rational thought.

  • Set up fair formats, like one person talks at a time, be respectful, no name calling, no dumping past arsenal on the other person, stay in the present moment, don’t bring in others to take sides, etc. 

  • Handle one conflict or disagreement at a time until there is a solution.

  • Do it in ways that build trust, respect, and closeness.

  • Go for completion, satisfaction and, healing.

Hope this is helpful. Let me know what happens!

Set up a call or meeting with me or Jim to discuss how to manage arguments in more constructive ways. Find us on Facebook. Read more about healthy communication in our book ”Secrets of a Soulful Marriage,” available on our website www.soulfulcouples.com and Amazon.

Your Relationship Coach,
Ruth Sharon
Coach for Soulful Couples
www.soulfulcouples.com
ruth@soulfulcouples.com

P.S. Have you experienced coaching with us, read one of our books, or attended a workshop we facilitated? We’d love to hear your feedback on our Yelp! page.


Ruth+and+Jim+at+Temple%2C+gray+hair.jpg

Ruth Sharon is a relationship coach, Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) and Registered Yoga Teacher (RYT). Her passion is facilitating couples to enhance the vitality of their relationship and make healthy lifestyle choices. Ruth shares her wisdom, compassion and humor with individuals, couples, families, and groups. Ruth and her husband, who have been married since 1970, co-authored Secrets of a Soulful Marriage: Creating and Sustaining a Loving, Sacred Relationship, SkyLight Paths Publishing, 2014. They are delighted to offer coaching for couples and singles, in person and virtually, as well as transformative couples’ retreats, seminars and online courses.

What's Next?

As July 4 comes upon us once again, I ask myself these questions: 

What are my freedoms?

Oh, so many. What a glorious life! I reflect with my dear precious husband, each of my dear children, their spouses, and my three awesome grandkids. I connect with some friends, and of course, with my clients and social network. My spiritual life and my work are in a dance, shifting focus from one to another, until hopefully, they merge and become one in the same.

Visiting South Carolina recently, we toured a plantation and learned about the Gullah African culture and slavery. Being Jewish, I continually recount being slaves in Egypt.

Remembering my freedom is a gift I give myself often.

This is my time to pause, breathe, give thanks, enliven my grateful heart even more, settle my belly and allow the calm feeling to saturate my being. Ahh, this feels so good. And yet…

Another question that arises…

What is still bogging me down?

I have been doing a major life review after my 71 birthday this spring. What is light, what is calling to me and what is mine on my path to fulfillment, and what is weighing me down? I am preparing to let go of lots of what is over for me. Dear friends just moved into a new home together. Watching them rearrange their lives with each other and in a new space triggered my fear of moving out of our precious home of 34 years (and the possibility of having a new partner if Jim precedes me in death). Lots of emotions are surfacing. I am dedicating attention and time this week/weekend to clear away the old, and make room for the new. I love that I have so many tools to clear out what is no longer important or needed! Cleaning “house” inside and outside are ways to move the energy!

A whole series of questions comes in on the heels of the first two:

  • How can I free myself even more?

  • What is left to heal?

  • What relationships need my attention?

  • Who shall I pray for?

  • Who wants to play with me?

  • Who is in my community?

  • Am I fulfilling my purpose?

  • Am I living a balanced life?

  • What brings about healthy vitality and wellbeing?

Asking questions and opening the space to discover what is happening within me and in my world is so freeing! I trust this process and value time alone.

The most burning question in my gut is, “What’s next?”

What questions burn in you?

Let’s talk!

Set up a time to connect soon.

Toward the One, 
Ruth Sharon
Coach for Soulful Couples
www.soulfulcouples.com
ruth@soulfulcouples.com

P.S. Have you experienced coaching with us, read one of our books, or attended a workshop we facilitated? We’d love to hear your feedback on our Yelp! page.


Ruth+and+Jim+at+Temple%2C+gray+hair.jpg

Ruth Sharon is a relationship coach, Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) and Registered Yoga Teacher (RYT). Her passion is facilitating couples to enhance the vitality of their relationship and make healthy lifestyle choices. Ruth shares her wisdom, compassion and humor with individuals, couples, families, and groups. Ruth and her husband, who have been married since 1970, co-authored Secrets of a Soulful Marriage: Creating and Sustaining a Loving, Sacred Relationship, SkyLight Paths Publishing, 2014. They are delighted to offer coaching for couples and singles, in person and virtually, as well as transformative couples’ retreats, seminars and online courses.