boundaries

Four Worlds Part 1: Want More Space for Love?

Perhaps we are living as if we occupy a small efficiency apartment in an imaginary luxurious, lush Mansion of Love. Do you want to explore more rooms and find out what else may be possible?

Tune in for this four-part series on the various dimensions that you can connect with to bring more Love to your life as a Soulful Couple!

The Four Worlds Outlook on Life is a mystical and practical teaching in many traditions. In this series, we will explore the Physical, Emotional, Mental, and Spiritual Realms and how to receive and give more Love in each and in the interaction. This week’s post is dedicated to the Physical World.

The Physical World is visible, known, obvious, dominated by our five senses. Look around your life. Be an observer. Look with innocent eyes at your physical life. Notice what is right in front of you, the concrete objects and how they are arranged. Take a moment to experience what you see, smell, taste, feel, hold, touch.  What do notice in your body as you observe your home, your car, your own body, your medicine cabinet, and your bank accounts?

Difficulty:

When something seems out of order in this realm, or worse yet, out of control, we may be prone to diving into blame, guilt, shame, judgment, annoyance, and resentment. Fighting ensues and walls are built.

Remedy:

Do something to make your physical world better! Take action, even something very small, like making your bed or clearing the kitchen table or walking around the block.

The Soulful Couple's Response:

Ask your partner to join you in making your physical world even better. Create a plan, check in regularly, and celebrate your successes. If you get off track, simply draw your attention back to your intention. Be a team working together.

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Our Story

Early on, Jim and I could tell we related well on the physical level. We loved setting up our small apartment with new stuff. We would come home from work and play, be fit, be sexy, eat well, clean the house, do chores together. The beginning of our married life featured stable jobs and stable income. We even put my whole teacher's paycheck in the bank and we lived on Jim’s salary. Our physical world was in order and oh so satisfying.

Now fast forward to decades later: we can truly say our physical realm works very well. We have owned our own home and cars, raised three kids into terrific adults, and run our counseling, coaching, and consulting business for 42 years. As we age, we continue to care for our bodies, homes, yards, cars, and money in responsible and joyful ways. We need more help than when we were younger, but outsourcing work to others feels good.

Of course, there were times when we struggled to have the energy to care for ourselves and our stuff; we had dark and difficult times with illness, injury, messiness, disarray, and problems with money. But by working together, we have been able to find the flow that works best for us as a couple.

Your Turn

Alone or with your partner, write or speak your observations about your physical world. What is your story?

Will you take time and space to love your physical world? Alone and with your partner, try giving loving attention to what is needed to bring about more health, balance, order, and a calm environment. What will be your intention and focus of attention in this realm?

We’d love to hear your thoughts! You can leave a comment here or on our Facebook page and let us know how you see these themes appearing in your own life.

All the best,

Your Relationship Coach,
Ruth Sharon, M.S.
Coach for Soulful Couples
www.soulfulcouples.com
ruth@soulfulcouples.com


Couples Retreat: Growing in Love

August 24-25, 2018

Join us for two days of learning, sharing, and growing together with your beloved! This retreat will be a powerful opportunity to explore new depths in your relationship. There are still a few spots left - just go here to learn more and register!


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Ruth Sharon is a relationship coach, Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) and Registered Yoga Teacher (RYT). Her passion is facilitating couples to enhance the vitality of their relationship and make healthy lifestyle choices. Ruth shares her wisdom, compassion and humor with individuals, couples, families, and groups. Ruth and her husband, who have been married since 1970, co-authored Secrets of a Soulful Marriage: Creating and Sustaining a Loving, Sacred Relationship, SkyLight Paths Publishing, 2014. They are delighted to offer coaching for couples and singles, in person and virtually, as well as transformative couples’ retreats, seminars and online courses.

What Is a Soulful Couple?

If you’ve been following our work, you may have wondered, what does the phrase “Soulful Couple” really mean? A soulful couple is a name we, Jim and Ruth Sharon, first coined to describe our own relationship. Over the years, it’s been touchstone for our journey together, and it’s also inspired the work we do with other couples. Today I’d love to share a little more about what being a “Soulful Couple” means to us...

We know we are souls having a human experience on this amazing journey on Earth. We have come with intention, purpose, and commitment. Our lives have been divinely inspired and we connect spiritually through prayer, meditation, service to our fellow humans, and enormous healing.

Our Journey

Through a series of lovely synchronicities, we met in college in 1967—yes, the ‘60s. We married in 1970 after a long distance relationship (yes, we managed to keep the flame alive). I graduated from college with a degree in Elementary Education, and Jim earned his Master’s in Psychology. I knew I wanted to be a psychologist also, but I did not have the funds for more college. Generously, Jim’s dad paid for my Master’s degree in Counseling Psychology. We moved to Colorado in 1973 for Jim to earn his doctoral degree in Psychology. The plans were being laid, unknowingly, for us to work together!

We carved out our own way to begin our family, work together and serve the community. Our private practice was born in 1976, along with our daughter Alaina. We are honored to have three amazing children (who are all married to terrific people) and we enjoy being with our two granddaughters (more kids to come, we hope!). As our passion grew for serving other couples to help them raise their vibration and expand their skills, we established Soulful Couples programs, events, coaching and writings. In our practice, we guide others to heal old patterns, connect with one another, and align their life purpose so that they can harvest the glorious gifts of sacred loving relationships.

When we were first married and set up house, I used to say we “fired on all cylinders.” We could not believe our good luck in meeting each other. Now we know we were baschert—meant to be together.

We labeled the four areas of existence (the cylinders) long ago—being physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually attuned with each other.  Now affectionately we refer to this alignment of our individual lives as “Living in the Mansion of Love.” We are committed to living in more and more rooms of this expansive, ever abundant mansion and its lovely grounds. We are truly blessed.

What is your story? How does your individuality dovetail with your partner’s life focus and purpose? Share with us in the comments below!

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Try This Date Night Idea!

What does “Soulful Couple”mean to you?

In workshops and retreats, we ask this question using the acrostic:

S
O
U
L
F
U
L

Here are some of the words that come up for couples we know:

S = sensitive, sacred, spiritual

O = open, optimistic, opportunities

U = understanding, Upper Mind, uncovered

L = loving, loyal, laughing

F = forgiving, faithful, fun

U = uplifting, uncomplicated, urgency to fulfill life purpose

L = light, luminous, luxurious

Ask your honey to have a date with you, at home, at a coffee shop, on a walk, at a restaurant. When you are both ready, take a deep breath and calm your nerves so you can be present and engaging. Use the acrostic on a piece of paper to fill in your words together. Keep interacting and discussing the concepts that come up so that you come to understand each other more and connect heart to heart—perhaps even soul to soul.

Were you surprised by the ideas or insights that emerged from this activity? Did you learn anything new about your partner or your relationship? Please share your comments here and on our Facebook page. We love engaging conversation and sharing wisdom.

All the best,

Your Relationship Coach,
Ruth Sharon, M.S.
Coach for Soulful Couples
www.soulfulcouples.com
ruth@soulfulcouples.com

Ready for more active, playful, outdoor fun?

Check out our Events and RSVP at www.soulfulcouples.com!

Join us for free Date Nights at some great summer concert venues, and learn about our Growing In Love couples retreat. And we hope to see you at our Celebrating Love Party on Saturday, July 21! You can RSVP for any of these events at info@soulfulcouples.com

One-on-One Coaching

Schedule your private coaching sessions to sort out how to be more balanced in your life. We all need a light shed on the unknown path. Let us join together to illuminate your way.


Ruth_headshot_2017-203x300.png

Ruth Sharon is a relationship coach, Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) and Registered Yoga Teacher (RYT). Her passion is facilitating couples to enhance the vitality of their relationship and make healthy lifestyle choices. Ruth shares her wisdom, compassion and humor with individuals, couples, families, and groups. Ruth and her husband, who have been married since 1970, co-authored Secrets of a Soulful Marriage: Creating and Sustaining a Loving, Sacred Relationship, SkyLight Paths Publishing, 2014. They are delighted to offer coaching for couples and singles, in person and virtually, as well as transformative couples’ retreats, seminars and online courses.

Summer Solstice 2018

I woke up feeling too busy, overwhelmed, nauseous, unsettled, and so full. Full of what? I asked myself.

I replied, Full of beliefs, ideas, masks, mental chatter, to-do lists, anxious jitters and longing. Yes, longing. For what? For silence, for peace, stillness, for integration, for unity, for remembering We Are One.

I know the pathways to the One are direct, tender, and always open. I release my tension with my breathing. I relax. I remember I am sacred, I am connected all-ways with the Divine Essence, The One of Many Names. I am safe.

I looked for inspiration for my blog on the Summer Solstice. Here is the page I opened in the book Daily Calm:

Your hand opens and closes, opens and closes.
If it were always a fist or always stretched open, you would be paralyzed.
   ~ Rumi

Ok, now I am on track. Thank you to Intuition and Guidance. How deLIGHTful is this?!

I am excited! Summer Solstice is the longest day of the year. The time when we have the most daylight, the most sunlight, the most opportunity to be outside, to be active, to be connected. (On the other side is the Winter Solstice, which is the longest night of the year, a time to retreat and be alone.)

Being outward is the Yang or Sacred Masculine Principle. Right now, I am facing more inward, as my Yin, my Divine Feminine energies call me to STOP, breathe, release the old baggage, lighten up, be present, feel supported and deeply loved.

I seek balance. I re-affirm my intention to be mindful enough to notice when I am too YANG and when I am too YIN, so I can SHIFT to my Homebase Safe Space, to gain perspective, inner stillness, and guidance. Then I know how to indeed act, in the most beneficial manner. I picture the yin-yang symbol. I have much to learn from this icon that has lasted centuries in our treasuries of wisdom through the ages.

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As I write this today, it is Father’s Day. Yes, this is the primo Yang day! How perfect to be at the summer solstice! Wink wink from the Wise Ones.

Coaching Questions to ask yourself - and someone else:

  • What do you yearn for?
  • What are your intentions for Summer Solstice?

Please share your comments here and on our Facebook page. We love engaging conversation and sharing wisdom.

I'll close by sharing something I often turn to when I'm feeling out of balance: I seek out words of wisdom from trusted sources. For example, listening to Tara Brach is one thing that helps me to recenter. To listen to her Namaste talk, click here.

Wishing you a beautiful Solstice,

Ruth Sharon, M.S.
Coach for Soulful Couples
www.soulfulcouples.com
ruth@soulfulcouples.com

Ready for more active, playful, outdoor fun?

Check out our Events and RSVP at www.soulfulcouples.com!

Join us for free Date Nights at some great summer concert venues, and learn about our Growing In Love couples retreat. And we hope to see you at our Celebrating Love Party on Saturday, July 21! You can RSVP for any of these events at info@soulfulcouples.com

One-on-One Coaching

Schedule your private coaching sessions to sort out how to be more balanced in your life. We all need a light shed on the unknown path. Let us join together to illuminate your way.


Ruth_headshot_2017-203x300.png

Ruth Sharon is a relationship coach, Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) and Registered Yoga Teacher (RYT). Her passion is facilitating couples to enhance the vitality of their relationship and make healthy lifestyle choices. Ruth shares her wisdom, compassion and humor with individuals, couples, families, and groups. Ruth and her husband of 47 years co-authored Secrets of a Soulful Marriage: Creating and Sustaining a Loving, Sacred Relationship, SkyLight Paths Publishing, 2014. They are delighted to offer coaching for couples and singles, in person and virtually, as well as transformative couples’ retreats, seminars and online courses.

Honoring Boundaries

Coming back from a wonderful family vacation with my husband Jim, our children, and our grandkids, I am keenly aware of the need for honoring boundaries. Interacting with respect and mindfulness is a gift to all. Sometimes I stepped over the line, sometimes I consciously restrained myself, and mostly I simply relaxed and enjoyed myself.

I know we each live in our own personal bubble. Learning to refine my own integrity means I honor my pace, rhythm, needs, cycles, moods, and commitments. My bubble may contract when I am stressed, tired, or wanting to be alone, and it can expand when I want to include others, take in a larger perspective, learn something new, or connect spiritually. I am committed to attuning to honoring my own boundaries and being mindful of my partner's and others' personal space. Of course, this takes practice.

In our book Secrets of a Soulful Marriage on page 64, we discuss a variety of ways to make sure we are honoring other people's boundaries, such as ...

  • giving privacy in the bathroom
  • knocking on a closed door before entering
  • avoiding yelling from room to room or intruding in conversations
  • refraining from opening mail (including email or texts) not addressed to you
  • standing a certain distance apart when conversing
  • not touching erogenous zones without permission
  • giving your mate space when she requests quiet personal time

I would now add:

  • saying no without feeling guilty; allowing the other to say no without guilt or burden
  • saying yes with enthusiasm and truth-telling
  • obeying the STOP sign my partner or another person puts up when he or she doesn't want to discuss something
  • asking kindly and respectfully, without judgment, how I can support the other, without diminishing his power or self-esteem
  • moving consciously between uniting and being separate in a graceful and evolving dance
  • your ideas?

What is true for you regarding your own boundaries and the ways you seek to honor your partner's boundaries, or those of others in your life?

How can you become more mindful of your own personal bubble? Practicing meditation and taking quiet time can enhance the clarity, beauty, and authenticity of your personal bubble; then you can be more available to share genuinely with your partner.

Sometimes an outside perspective can be helpful when we're learning how to be more mindful and conscious about our interactions. Working with a coach is a wonderful way for you and your beloved to explore what makes you feel safe and cared for (and what might make you feel a little crowded), so that you can create a life that allows you both to thrive. Let us know how we can support you in enhancing your personal bubble and honoring the boundaries of the other.

Be well.

Ruth Sharon, M.S.
Coach for Soulful Couples
www.soulfulcouples.com
ruth@soulfulcouples.com

Ruth_headshot_2017-203x300.png

Ruth Sharon is a relationship coach, Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) and Registered Yoga Teacher (RYT). Her passion is facilitating couples to enhance the vitality of their relationship and make healthy lifestyle choices. Ruth shares her wisdom, compassion and humor with individuals, couples, families, and groups. Ruth and her husband of 47 years co-authored Secrets of a Soulful Marriage: Creating and Sustaining a Loving, Sacred Relationship, SkyLight Paths Publishing, 2014. They are delighted to offer coaching for couples and singles, in person and virtually, as well as transformative couples’ retreats, seminars and online courses.