grieving

I Am No Longer As I Was

My Mother died, and I am no longer as I was. 

Memories are rolling through my consciousness like a fast moving train, with snippets of my mom, dad, sisters, and extended families traveling speedily through my mind...

  • Rolling down the hill after Fourth of July fireworks, twirling into a fantasy land off the ledge of a lush green grassy knoll

  • Seeing my junior high best friend perched on my doorstep, as I walk around the corner from my school, with her overnight bag and giddy anticipation of our weekend fun.

  • Coming into my bedroom from the bathroom and gasping with delight, “Oh how beautiful,” witnessing the light dancing around my little sister’s wavy honey-colored hair. I had to snap a photo!

  • Making rich chocolatey fudge with my big sister, then packing it into baggies to take to the matinee.

  • Traveling with my mom and sisters  to Brooklyn in the cab of our friend’s freight truck at 4 am, to arrive in time for my grandparents’ coffee smell to fill the hallway leading to their warm apartment.

  • Sitting on my daddy’s lap in the cozy overstuffed chair, watching the Thanksgiving Day parade on TV.

  • School, Hebrew school, youth group, fantasy play in the woods, being a good girl filled my early childhood.

  • Experiencing a visceral mystical moment in Hebrew School, having my life purpose revealed at age 10.

  • Soon after that, my family broke out into a series of  terrible flights, with chaotic anger, violence and insanity. This blew away my safety and security.

  • Healing through powerful therapy, personal development trainings, guides, teachers, coaches and mentors.

  • My purpose is clear again!

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My mom was so orderly (see Jim Sharon’s last post, Tribute to THE Balabusta) that our home ran smoothly and efficiently. She knew where everything was and regularly took inventory of what she had, designating days of the week for certain chores and managing stress through (almost compulsive) planning and taking action. Believe me, all our physical needs were generously met. The downside of living so systematically is that little time is allotted to play. I missed special playtime with my mom. Good news, though: my dad was great in filling in that gap; he loved to play, as do I.

Grieving is tiring and consuming at times. I find myself napping or resting on the couch in our sunny living room. A powerful energy surge in my spiritual and emotional healing comes from more deeply connecting with my Jewish roots and wings. Being with my community at Temple Emanuel has been a serendipitous gift that keeps opening. One of my friends once queried, “Who will bring me soup when I need it?” I found out who brings me whatever I need during this mourning period.

I extend profound and humble thanks to all of you who have held me dearly during this catalytic time.

I nourish and am nourished by my dear husband Jim Sharon, our family, friends, neighbors, clients, our vast interfaith community, yogis and Sufi travelers on the Path. I am so grateful for all the support I am receiving!

I decided to commemorate my mom and also align with my focus on the Power of Intention. I am now setting my intention to honor Shirley Goldberg’s memory by making order in my home and my life. This month I am cleaning out the linen closets, 2-3 kitchen cabinets, and getting rid of unneeded and unwanted stuff in my office. I will continue choosing areas of my home to declutter and clear.

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As a meditator and healer, I'm clearing my emotional, mental, and spiritual bodies as well, as part of my regular daily practice.

How can I support you? Are you making contact with your past, too? Are you ready to acquire powerful tools to clear away what you are completing, making room for the new that is on the horizon?

Be in touch with me, in the comments below, or on Facebook and other social media.

Leave a review if you would be so kind, to share the good news with others: we are changing, healing, evolving, becoming more of who we truly are.

Your Relationship Coach,
Ruth Sharon, M.S.
Coach for Soulful Couples
www.soulfulcouples.com
ruth@soulfulcouples.com

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Ruth Sharon is a relationship coach, Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) and Registered Yoga Teacher (RYT). Her passion is facilitating couples to enhance the vitality of their relationship and make healthy lifestyle choices. Ruth shares her wisdom, compassion and humor with individuals, couples, families, and groups. Ruth and her husband, who have been married since 1970, co-authored Secrets of a Soulful Marriage: Creating and Sustaining a Loving, Sacred Relationship, SkyLight Paths Publishing, 2014. They are delighted to offer coaching for couples and singles, in person and virtually, as well as transformative couples’ retreats, seminars and online courses.