“Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things.” ~ Sir Humphrey Davy
Indeed, little things are the building blocks of big things, as a house is comprised of individual bricks and as snowflakes bond together to form snow piles. All types of accomplished athletes and artists know the necessity and power of drilling fundamentals. Similarly, engaging in a regular series of small niceties inevitably creates intimacy and relationship health, which is the focus of this blog.
My wife Ruth is fond of saying, “Sex begins at breakfast.” Greeting each other warmly, being kind, and expressing interest in one another starts our days off on the right foot – both individually and as a couple. Beyond physical sex, Ruth and I find it sexy to connect in a variety of simple ways that are a mainstay of our long, rich relationship.
Here are examples of some basic, practical, often easy practices that we make a habit of doing with each other (but don’t do impeccably, of course):
- affectionate gestures such as kisses, hugs, hand holding, cuddling, and gentle or sensual touches
- offering sincere compliments and acknowledgements, using endearing names, and frequently saying, “I love you!”
- listening to one another without quickly drawing the conversation back onto ourselves (Ruth is better at this one)
- collaborating in household tasks on a daily or weekly basis, as needed
- initiating favors
- scheduling weekly date nights
- creating surprises via gifts or events/experiences
- attending to each other when physically or emotionally hurting
- choosing to keep upsets in perspective – not make mountains out of molehills
We’d really like to hear from you about other special little things that you do that make a big difference toward your intimacy and vitality as devoted partners.
Toward profoundly simple love,
Your Relationship Coach,
Jim Sharon, EdD is a licensed psychologist and couples' coach who has over four decades of professional experience serving thousands as a counselor, as a life and relationship coach, and as a seminar and retreat facilitator. Dr. Sharon has authored two books and many professional publications, most recently, Secrets of a Soulful Marriage: Creating and Sustaining a Loving, Sacred Relationship (with Ruth Sharon, MS), published by SkyLight Paths, 2014. Jim and Ruth have been married since 1970, have raised three adult children, and have two young granddaughters.